 I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me. | Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. |
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. | How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ? |
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.' | I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! |
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN! | Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. |
Wouldn't you know it.... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. | Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? A completely brilliant question!!!!!!! |
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
and, since it's in English, thank a soldier' | Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? Another completely brilliant question!!!! |
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