>
> A store that sells new husbands has opened inNew York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
> >
>
> You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
> >
>
> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
> >
>
> Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
> >
>
> She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
> >
>
> Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> >
>
> 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
> >
> So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
> >
>
> Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
> >
>
> 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
> >
>
> She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
> >
>
> Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
> >
>
> 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
> >
>
> Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
> >
>
> Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
> >
>
> She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
> >
>
> Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>
>
> PLEASE NOTE:
>
>
> To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
>
>
>
>
> The first floor has wives that love sex.
>
>
>
>
> The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
>
>
>
> The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Bingo Paul wants gas money

Have you see the Ad for Windows World on TV?.Bingo Paul and wife they are doing a Commercial for Windows World.He wants more that Bingo Money.For sure I will not buy windows for Windows World,Bingo Paul may get a Commission for every sell in Lake Ashton.   Once a crook, always a crook.

What OMG means!

 

 

So obvious!!!!!! That this is what OMG means!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Clever people abound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thought

You would get a charge out of this......The child mentioned below obviously

Is home schooled.  She didn’t learn this in a government school. 

Someone’s always thinking! Read the short paragraph below this great shirt.

 Bi-Partisan approved, available in all sizes. Get one while supplies last!

I was eating lunch on the 20th of   February with my 7 year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is
Tomorrow?"

She said, "It's President's Day!"
  (She is a smart kid.)

I asked, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln ...
Etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his
Shadow we have one more year of  unemployment."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

 

Italian Honeymoon

After  returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia,

Luigi  stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this  friends.

 

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

 

Luigi  said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

 

"Whatayou  mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

 

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Centra  Statia. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basketa food. She bringa da vino,  some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da  luncha basket .

 

The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say,  'no eat in disa car.

Musta use a dining car..'

 

So, me and my  beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open  da bottle of a nice a vino!

 

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger  and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

 

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The  conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina in disa car. Musta go  to a smokina car ...'

 

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga  cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed.  We just about to go badaboom badaboom and the conductore, he walka through da  hallway shouting at a top of his a voice..

 

'Nofolka Virginia  !'

'Nofolka Virginia !'

 

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da  bus."

Secret Service views of the Presidents and First Ladies

Here are snippets from a book of "Impressions & Observations" of Secret Service personnel assigned to guard U.S.Presidents/First Ladies, and Vice Presidents.     John and Jacqueline Kennedy:   He was a philanderer of the highest order. She ordered the kitchen help to save all the left-over wine during State dinner, which mixed with fresh wine and served again during the next White House occasion.   Lyndon and Lady Bird Johnson:  He was another philanderer of the highest order.   In addition, LBJ was as crude as the day is long.  Both JFK and LBJ kept a lot of women in the White House for extramarital affairs, and both had set up "early warning systems" to alert them if/when their wives were nearby.   Both Kennedy & Johnson were promiscuous and oversexed men.   She was either naive or just pretended to "not know" about her husband's many liaisons.   Richard and Pat Nixon:   A "moral" man but very odd and weird, paranoid, etc.  He had horrible relationship with his family, and in a way, was almost a recluse.   She was quiet most of the time.   Spiro Agnew:   Nice, decent man, everyone in the Secret Service was surprised about his downfall.   Gerald and Betty Ford:    A true gentlemen who treated the Secret Service with respect and dignity.   He had a great sense of humor.   She drank a lot!   Jimmy & Rosalynn Carter:    A complete phony who would portray one picture of himself to public and very different in private,   e.g., would be shown carrying his own luggage, but the suit cases were always empty;   he kept empty ones just for photo op's.  Wanted the people to see him as pious and a non-drinker, but he and his family drank alcohol a lot.  He had disdain for the Secret Service, and was very irresponsible with the "football" nuclear codes.  He didn't think it was a big deal and would keep military aides at a great distance.  Often does not acknowledge the presence of Secret Service personnel assigned to serve him.   She mostly did her own thing.   Ronald and Nancy Reagan:    The real deal --- moral, honest, respectful, and dignified.   They treated Secret Service and everyone else with respect and honor.  Thanked everyone all the time.  He took the time to know everyone on a personal level. One "favorite" story which has circulated among the Secret Service personnel was an incident early in his Presidency, when he came out of his room with a pistol tucked on his hip.  The agent in charge asked: "Why the pistol, Mr. President?"  He replied, "In case you boys can't get the job done, I can help."  It was common for him to carry a pistol.   When he met with Gorbachev, he had a pistol in his briefcase.   Upon learning that Gary Hart was caught with Donna Rice,  Reagan said, "Boys will be boys, but boys will not be Presidents."  [He obviously either did not know or forgot JFK's and LBJ's sexcapades!]   She was very nice but very protective of the President; and the Secret Service was often caught in the middle.  She tried hard to control what the President ate, and he would say to the agent "Come on, you gotta help me out."   The Reagan’s drank wine during State dinners and special occasions only; otherwise, they shunned alcohol;  the Secret  Service could count on one hand the times they were served wine during their "family dinner".  For all the fake bluster of the Carters, the Reagan’s were the ones who lived life as genuinely moral people.   George H. and Barbara Bush:    Extremely kind and considerate Always respectful. Took great care in making sure the agents' comforts were taken care of. They even brought them meals, etc. One time Barbara Bush brought warm clothes to agents standing outside at Kennebunkport;  one agent who was given a  warm hat, and when he tried to nicely say "no thanks" even though he was obviously freezing,   President Bush said "Son, don't argue with the First Lady, put the hat on.."   He was the most prompt of the Presidents.  He ran the White House like a well-oiled machine.   She ruled the house and spoke her mind.   Bill and Hillary Clinton: Presidency was one giant party.  Not trustworthy --- he was nice because he wanted everyone to like him, but to him life is just one big game and party.   Everyone knows of his sexuality.   She is another phony.   Her personality would change the instant cameras were near.  She hated with open disdain the military and Secret Service.   She was another one who felt people are there to serve her.  She was always trying to keep tabs on Bill Clinton.   Albert Gore:  An egotistical  ass, who was once overheard by his Secret Service detail lecturing his only son that he needed to do better in school or he "would end up like these guys" --- pointing to the agents.   George W. and Laura Bush:  The Secret Service loved him and Laura Bush.   He was also the most physically "in shape" who had a very strict workout regimen.  The Bushes made sure their entire administrative and household staff understood to respect and be considerate of the Secret Service.   Karl Rove was the one who was the most caring of the Secret Service in the administration.   She was one of the nicest First Ladies, if not the nicest; she never had any harsh word to say about anyone.   Barack & Michelle Obama: " Clinton all over again" - hates the military and looks down on the Secret Service. He is egotistical and cunning; looks you in the eye and appears to agree with you, but turns around and does the opposite---untrustworthy. He has temper tantrums.   She is a complete bitch, who hates anybody who is not black; hates the military; and looks at the Secret Service as servants.

Legal squabble over sinkhole keeps residents from Tampa condos

Article Courtesy of The Tampa Tribune

By Keith Morelli

Published October 10, 2011

TAMPA -- It's been 15 months since a 25-foot wide, 40-foot deep sinkhole collapsed at the front door of a Bordeaux Village condominium building.

Since then, the gaping crater has been filled, leaving what now is a pitcher-size mound of sand that is sprouting weeds. A six-foot chain link fence surrounds the building and parking lot to the east of it. A sign warns trespassers that they will be arrested. The building's days are numbered, as an insurance settlement has been reached which will call for the demolition of the structure and new building to take its place. On each door of the building is a fluorescent green sign saying the building is off limits. It used to be home to a dozen families who worked, went to school and otherwise had normal lives in this small complex that borders

A fence surrounds a building at Bordeaux Village, where a sinkhole opened up 15 months ago

the University of South Florida's east side. But that was before July 11, 2010.

That's when those families became refugees of Mother Nature, getting the boot from their homes for safety reasons. Now victims of a smothering bureaucracy rather than the collapsing earth, the residents never came back.

Now, they're out because of a legal squabble between the homeowner's association and its insurance company that covers sinkhole damage.

Among the displaced are Sean and Sandy Burnham who had just moved in a month before the ground opened up. It was their Toyota Camry that was swallowed by the hole. The car remains buried there, along with some personal items the Burnhams had not even unpacked.

After the hole opened, Bordeaux Village allowed the Burnhams out of their lease.

"The building had been condemned," Sandy Burnham said, "and they didn't know how long it would take to stabilize."

Their plight over the lost car was answered by an anonymous donation of a 2001 Volvo, she said, a car the Burnhams still drive. Both currently are out of work, looking for jobs and living in Carrollwood.

She said a recent rainstorm caused a small sinkhole in a neighborhood street, causing them to think craters were following them around.

"The road just started sinking," she said.

Marielle Westerman is an attorney who represents the Bordeaux Village Homeowners Association. She's filed a lawsuit against the insurance company last year and in April the suit was settled.

The issue centered on stabilizing the ground beneath the building and who should foot the bill for it. The hole at Bordeaux Village had been filled with tons of rocks and sand.

The insurer argued that was sufficient to fix the problem, but Westerman countered that more must be done to make the building safe for the residents. She said the insurance company had refused to perform more tests even though association-hired engineers said more comprehensive, costly tests were needed.

The association could have done the testing itself, but it was too expensive, Westerman said, and that was something the insurance company was required to perform and pay for.

Vanguard Management, which oversees the property, posted on its website in April that the case had been settled, and that the court had ordered the insurance company to pay for sinkhole tests and that structural repairs were in the works.

By August, bids were being taken for geological engineering work, the website said.

Still, the building next to the sinkhole remains off limits to residents. Whether the building will be torn down or rebuilt is uncertain.

Meanwhile, some former residents had to pay for temporary lodging along with mortgages for their condominiums, which they were prohibited from living in.

Many gave up and were foreclosed upon, Westerman said.

WILL USA SURVIVE?

The folks who are getting the free stuff, don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.

The folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop, and the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now... The people who are forcing the people who pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff, that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff, are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So... The people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this. All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason? The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them.

The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 235 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff. We have one chance to change that. In 2012. Failure to change that spells the end of the United States as we know it.
ELECTION 2012 IS COMING A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!
I'M 100% for PASSING THIS ON!!!
Let’s take a stand!!!Obama: Gone!Borders: Closed!Language: English onlyCulture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!NO freebies to: Non-Citizens!

We the people are coming Only 86% will send this on. Should be 100%. What will you do?------------------------------------
"The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money". -- Margaret Thatcher

YOU HAVE TO LOVE HIM... A MUST READ. HE MADE THIS SPEECH IN NEW YORK. Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says 'I love New York  ' in Arabic. The Plan! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!) 'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.' 1) 'The US, UK , CANADA, and  AUSTRALIA  will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again. 2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence. 3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are from. They're illegal!  France will welcome them. 4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers. 5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' , then it's back home baby! 6) The US, UK, CANADA, and  AUSTRALIA  will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while. 7) Offer  Saudi Arabia  and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.) 8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who NEED it most get very little, if anything. 9) Ship the UN  Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens. 10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?  'The Statue of Liberty  is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' If you agree with the above, forward it to friends...If not, and I would be amazed if you DELETE it!

 

*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..?(not!)

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
 
24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.

25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit  Laughing!        
 

HOORAY FOR FLORIDA

UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL Great going, Florida. You set the stage for the other 49 States to join! Kudos to Republican Governor Rick Scott for having the correctness and guts to move forward on this critical issue ! Hooray for Florida ! ! I-95 will be jammed for the next month or so........Druggies and deadbeats heading North out of Florida .. Florida is the first state requiring drug testing to receive welfare! Hooray for Florida !!!! In signing the new law, Republican Gov. Rick Scott said, "If Floridians want welfare, they better make sure they are drug-free. Applicants who test positive for illicit substances won't be eligible for the funds for a year, or until they undergo treatment. Those who fail a second time would be banned from receiving funds for three years! Naturally, a few people are crying this is unconstitutional. How is this unconstitutional ? It's completely legal that every other working people have to pass drug tests in order to get a J-O-B which supports those on welfare! Forward if you agree!! Let's get Welfare back to the ones who NEED it, not those who WON'T get a JOB..... I AGREE!!!! 100 %

James Crane worked on the 101st floor of Tower 1 of the World Trade Center...He is blind so he has a golden retriever named Daisy. After the plane hit 20 stories below, James knew that he was doomed, so he let Daisy go, out of an act of love. She darted away into the darkened hallway. Choking on the fumes of the jet fuel and the smoke James was just waiting to die. About 30 min later, Daisy comes back along with James' boss, who Daisy just happened to pick up on floor 112

On her first run of the building, she leads James, James' boss, and about 300 more people out of the doomed building. But she wasn't through yet, she knew there were others who were trapped. So, highly against James' wishes she ran back in the building. On her second run, she saved 392 lives. Again she went back in. During this run, the building collapses. James hears about this and falls on his knees into tears. Against all known odds, Daisy makes it out alive, but this time she is carried by a firefighter. "She led us right to the people, before she got injured" the fireman explained. Her final run saved another 273 lives. She suffered acute smoke inhalation, severe burns on all four paws, and a broken leg, but she saved 967 lives. Daisy is the first civilian Canine to win the Medal of Honor of New York City.

I hope you enjoyed this story. I thought it was terrific. Pass it on to all animal lovers ... remember love is to be shared to be multiplied..