: Underwear dust

BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

You guys just never learn, do not tick off the woman.

Thank-you going on to 51,000 hits

I wish to thank all the people who view my Web-Site. I never expected it to be that successful. Joe Hunter and Paul Pontioius are some of my biggest fans. They sure are getting a good education. You know something, they sure need it.

Redneck hedge trimming

More pure genius. I'm impressed................pp

(You just know you are going to forward this one!!!)

WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck

fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live

far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a

bucket and a gallon of paint. At the feed store he picked up a

couple of chickens and a goose.

Struggling outside the store he realized he had a problem - how to

carry his the purchases home!

While scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady

who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'My farm is very close to that house. I'd walk you

there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the

bucket? Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each

arm and carry the goose in your other hand.'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old

girl home.

On the way he said 'Let's take my short cut down this alley. We'll

be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a

lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that

when we get in the alley you won't hold me against the wall, pull

up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer exclaimed, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a

gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could

I hold you up against the wall and do that?'

She replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put

the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens'.

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase 'You Gotta Be Shittin Me'?

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase 'You Gotta Be Shittin Me'? Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and His troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites. Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted . He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know was that this was a house of Ill Repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came. General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there. Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired , wet, exhausted , and desperately need warmth and comfort.' Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?' Washington replied , 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.' And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'

New law shifts association fees from homeowner to renter If association fees aren't paid by the homeowners, it's the tenant's responsibility now.

Article Courtesy of The Jacksonville Times Union

By Shakaya Andres

Published July 18, 2010

Under a new Florida law, homeowner association boards can go after renters for association fees when the homeowners fail to pay up.

The law has been attracting attention in Ponte Vedra Beach and elsewhere in the Beaches area because so many housing developments have homeowner associations.

"Associations are hemorrhaging," said real estate attorney Barry Ansbacher, who represents the Marsh Landing homeowner association in Ponte Vedra Beach. "It's not an isolated case anymore; there's nobody that hasn't been touched by this."

Property owners are traditionally responsible for paying the fees, usually collected monthly or quarterly, to the associations. The fees are typically used to pay for common area maintenance in a residential development, legal and safety issues and enforcement of the covenants, conditions and restrictions set by the developer.

The law, which took effect July 1, says homeowner associations must notify renters that their payments should be paid directly to the association, not to a landlord who has failed to pay the organization.

Homeowners associations govern a subdivision, condominium or planned community. Some associations have lost thousands of dollars because of non-payment. That negatively impacts the upkeep of the community and future home values, said Anna Marks, president of May Management Services, a property management company in Ponte Vedra Beach.

"Their [associations'] job is to protect the asset of the community; if they can't do this, then property values go down," she said. "The associations need to be prepared for when the economy turns."

Joe Ankiewicz, a senior client accounting manager for May Management, said the issue has been ongoing for about two years.

"There are some communities struggling to pay their bills on a week-to-week basis," he said. "It's gotten to the point where the Legislature had to come up with a statute."

If the tenant is ordered to make a payment to the association, it counts as rent credit. The tenant pays the remaining balance to the landlord. For example, if a lease agreement calls for the renter to pay $600 a month including $100 association fees, traditionally they would have paid the whole amount to the landlord. Now, under the law, the tenant would pay the landlord $500 and the association $100.

When a renter is required to pay the association directly, they should keep a copy of the notice from the association seeking payment, as well as cancelled checks and/or receipts. If the landlord demands the entire $600, the tenant should send them copies of the documents and receipts showing their payments to the association.

"If the landlord files an eviction, it's very important that the tenant doesn't sit back and assume the payment to the association will protect them; they need to answer the eviction lawsuit," Ansbacher said.

Typically, landlords who are not paying their mortgage are also not paying their association dues, officials said. Before people rent from a homeowner, they should seek documents showing that they are up to date on their mortgage payments and association dues.

"A prudent tenant raises the question whether the mortgage and association dues are current before signing the lease," Ansbacher said.

Janice O'Connell, president of Amelia Mortgage in Nassau County, said delinquent owners can also affect bank financing for future owners looking to buy into the community.

"If the delinquency is more than 15 percent in [association] dues, then you can't get a loan on the project no matter how great your credit score is," she said. "This just happened to one of my clients two days ago."

How much people pay monthly or quarterly depends on the community's size and amenities, Marks said.

"It's all over the board," she said. "It could be low to extremely high."

Also under the law, a tenant is not required to pay the association more than what they pay in rent. The law helps the tenant if they are doing what they're suppose to do while the landlord isn't, officials said.

"This cuts both ways, to avoid the association from having to foreclose the unit if the tenant is in place they can pay," Ansbacher said.

Ponte Vedra Beaches Coalition member Clara Cowan said it's about time the Legislature helped struggling associations by giving them some tools to work with. The coalition is a group of homeowner associations.

"Everybody's struggling right now and that includes [associations]," she said. "Associations have bills to pay. When people don't pay their bills, they are left in a lurch."

Many questions about the bill remain unanswered, including whether associations can charge for the notice they issue to tenants and what their rights are if the owner files for bankruptcy, Ansbacher said.

"Any time you have a new law, you have people getting a feel for it," he said.

If an association isn't paid, they can file a lien on the house and foreclose on the property.

The bill doesn't address mortgages, which means that a tenant can still be evicted if the homeowner fails to pay the mortgage holder.

Tenants needing representation by an attorney could go to Jacksonville Area Legal Aid or the Jacksonville Bar Association, officials said.

Tow truck drivers, property managers used falsified documents to justify towings

Article Courtesy of The Palm Beach Post

By Andrew Marra

Published July 19, 2010

Tow truck drivers from one of Palm Beach County's largest towing companies have been using falsified documents to remove cars from private communities, often with the cooperation of the communities' property managers, investigators allege in court documents.

Records show that sheriff's deputies earlier this year found stacks of pre-signed "tow slips" from property managers in two King's Wrecker Service tow trucks. Pre-signing those slips, which give a tower permission to remove an individual car, is a violation of a county ordinance specifically created in 2005 to protect vehicle owners from so-called predatory towing.

After discovering the falsified documents and speaking with a confidential informant, deputies on July 8 raided King's Wrecker Service's office west of West Palm Beach with a search warrant. During the search, they found even more pre-signed tow slips, an agency spokeswoman said. The company, which did not return calls for comment, is now a target of investigations by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office and the county Department of Consumer Affairs. The investigators' findings so far underscore concerns about how widespread violations of state and county towing regulations may be and raise questions about property managers' possible complicity in falsifying documents. State law holds a property owner or manager financially responsible for any illegal tow, but it appears that in at least some cases property managers were unaware of the county's towing regulations and depended on towing companies for guidance.

After the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office issued a warrant at King's Wrecker Service located at 6738 Wallis Road in West Palm Beach, Deputy Sheriff Kurt Kloepping searches a tow truck for evidence of illegal towing practices. Deputies say that numerous complaints have been made to the Better Business Bureau regarding the companies operations.

"We go by what the towing company tells us to do," said Elaine Peitrzak, who manages the Palm Beach Grande community in West Palm Beach and the Nautica Lakes community in Royal Palm Beach.

Peitzrak's properties use King's for towing services, and Peitzrak told The Palm Beach Post she occasionally allowed its drivers to tow cars from the properties without verifying herself whether the cars were improperly parked - an apparent violation of the county's towing rules.

Peitzrak said she did not realize she may have been violating the county's ordinance and said that verifying that a car was improperly parked was often logistically difficult for her to do personally if she was not nearby. She chose to rely on the judgment of King's drivers.

"I don't get paid enough to sit out there at 1 a.m. and tow cars," she said.

Investigators point out that the rules are in place to ensure that tow truck drivers, many of whom earn commissions on each tow, do not take cars that are properly parked. In a search warrant application, sheriff's deputies said that King's practices at Peitzrak's two properties "clearly shows that King's Wrecker Service was in the practice of predatory towing."

No one has been charged or fined so far in connection with creating the tow slips but one of King's drivers, Froylan Castro, 33, was arrested in late June on a charge of grand theft of an automobile after allegedly towing a car in violation of other state and county regulations.

Sheriff's Sgt. John Churchill, who oversees the traffic homicide unit handling the criminal investigation, said the pre-signed tow slips are "just one aspect" of their investigation.

"We're looking at everything," he said. "It's not going to be just King's. We're looking at towing in general."

He added that property managers and their actions are also being examined.

Tow companies are allowed under state law to remove vehicles from private property with the property owner's consent, but state and county lawmakers heavily regulate the towing process in order to protect car owners from abuses.

The county's towing ordinance says that a vehicle may not be removed from private property without the "prior express instruction" of the property owner or manager. The owner or manager is required to either sign the tow slip in the tow truck driver's presence or fax the driver a signed form with an electronic time stamp.

Using pre-signed tow slips, the ordinance says, can result in a citation, suspension or revocation of an operating permit. State law says that illegal towing can constitute a first-degree misdemeanor or third-degree felony.

What is less clear is the liability, both criminal and civil, for property managers in private communities. State law holds them responsible for the financial costs of an illegal tow, and it's their signatures on the documents.

A confidential informant allegedly told sheriff's investigators that the owners of King's knew their drivers used pre-signed forms, and that one of the owners even solicited the forms from property managers, according to the warrant application.

King's Wrecker Service's legal business name is Gold Star Towing. It owners are listed in state records as John and Melissa Devia of Wellington and Keisha Pepper of West Palm Beach.

King's has five registered tow trucks, making it one of the county's larger towing businesses but still signifcantly smaller than Kauff's of Palm Beach, Emerald Transportation Corp. or Sisters Towing and Transportation, each of which have more than 10 trucks.

But while the county's largest companies focus on other services like assisting stranded drivers on the highway, King's appears to generate most of its business from so-called "private property impounds," Churchill said.

Dennis Moore, director of Palm Beach County's Division of Consumer Affairs, said that "historically there has been a cozy relationship between towing companies and property owners," and that it is part of the difficulty in investigating towing complaints.

The other key problem, he said: the fact that tow truck drivers often are paid on commission.

"There's a great incentive to move in to try to get more vehicles picked up," he said. "That at this point is the nature of the beast."

DC Airport Ticket Agent

THIS is actually almost more SCARY than funny!! God Bless America ! A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble: 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ..'' Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa '' his response -- click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried t o explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG) 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?'' I said, ''No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!) 5. An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh) 6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that. 7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage. 8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?'' 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.'' 10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!'' 11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!'' 12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .'' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' 'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man. After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere." ''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.'' Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB? YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.. I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

Australia - Second Time he has done this THE IMMIGRANTS NEED TO ADJUST TO OUR CULTURE, NOT US TO THEM

He sure isn't backing down on his hard line stance and one has to appr He's done it again.. eciate his belief in the rights of his native countrymen.
A breath of fresh air to see someone lead.
I wish some leaders would step up in Canada& USA.

Australian Prime Minister does it again!!

This man should be appointed King of the World. Truer words have never been spoken.

It took a lot of courage for this man to speak what he had to say for the world to hear. The retribution could be phenomenal, but at least he was willing to take a stand on his andAustralia's beliefs.

Whole world needs a leader like t Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..


Separately, Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote:

'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT.. Take It Or Leave It.
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. '

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'

'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'

Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves in Canada & USA, WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.

Money down the toilet

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Security House":

THE GUARDS WISH ALL THE BINGO PLAYERS , WHO COME THRU THE GATE AT 4PM EVERY MONDAY..." GOOD LUCK "

YOUR SO CORRECT ! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A " GATE ATTENDANT " ( NOT GUARDS ), WALKING THRU THE BALLROOM, WORKOUT ROOM, GAME ROOM, MOVIE THEATER, OR GROUNDS ?? IT IS TIME THE RESIDENTS OF LAKE ASHTON WAKE UP TO THE MONEY BEING THROWN DOWN THE TOILET AND USE IT TO REDUCE FEES TO THE RESIDENTS!

SIGNED....
BILLY THE KID