Saturday, January 5, 2013

FLU

      
  
FLU  SEASON - Read till the  end

To  avoid it...  Eat  right!  Make  sure you get your daily dose of fruit and  veggies. 

Take  your vitamins and bump up your vitamin  C.

Get  plenty of exercise because it builds your immune  system. 

Walk  for at least an hour a  day, go  for a swim,
take the stairs  instead of the lift,  etc.
Wash  your hands often.  If  you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff  around.
Get  lots of fresh air.  Open  doors & windows whenever  possible. 

Try  to eliminate as much stress from your life as  you can. 

Get  plenty of rest. 
OR
Take  the doctor's approach.
Think about  it...
  When  you go for a flu jab, what do they do  first?

They clean your arm with  alcohol...
Why?
 
Because  Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So...
I  walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime  in my vodka...(fruit)
Celery in my  Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on  the patio..(fresh air)
Tell  jokes  and laugh....(eliminate stress)

Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see  it...

If  you keep your alcohol levels up,  flu germs  can't  get you!  REMEMBER:
'A  shot in the glass
is better than one in the  ass!'





 
Live  Well -
Laugh Often -
Love  Much

one liner



Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

___________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
___________________________________________


Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
___________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
___________________________________________


Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's
there.'

NEWS WANTED

NEWS WANTED   Tricia Adams, June Young, Margo Stevens, Jack Van Sickle, Bingo Paul Pontious.  I am sure they don't have a halo over their heads.  Lets hear the hot news or lets hear it from them or are the residents in love with these xxxx


lakeashtontalktwo@yahoo.com


Friday, January 4, 2013

NEWS WANTED

  SEND TO:      lakeashtontalktwo@yahoo.com

Social Security

    This Gal hit it right on the head..... 
 
 
Whether this is a legit letter or not, the sentiments are well spoken and deserve wide circulation.
 
 
She is telling it like it is. It is our money.
I Think She is Pissed
I don't think pissed really covers it!
Alan Simpson, the Senator from Wyoming calls senior citizens the 'Greediest Generation' as he compared Social Security to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats.
Here's a response in a letter from PATTY MYERS in Montana ... I think she is a little ticked off! She also tells it like it is!

"Hey Alan, let's get a few things straight!!!!!

1.
As a career politician, you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS.

2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).


3. My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would make Bernie Madoff proud.
4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and "your ilk" pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age, 67. NOW, you and your "shill commission" are proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.

5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now "you morons" propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because "you idiots" mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal our money from Medicare to pay the bills.

6.
I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you "incompetent bastards" spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.
To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for calling "bullshit" to your incompetence.
Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU:

1.
How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?

2.
At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4.
What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?

It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the "greedy" ones. It is you and your fellow nutcase thieves who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.

And for what? Votes and your job and retirement security at our expense, you lunk-headed, leech.
That's right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic, political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch. NO, I did not stutter.
P.S. And stop calling Social Security benefits "entitlements". WHAT AN INSULT!!!!
I have been paying in to the SS system for 45 years “It's my money”-give it back to me the way the system was designed and stop patting yourself on the back like you are being generous by doling out these monthly checks!
PATTY MYERS

Thursday, January 3, 2013

NEWS WANTED

All Aboard!

All Aboard!
Floyd Cramer at the piano. Wait for the pictures to come on and have your volume on. This is really beautiful.

 http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/Train%20Ride.swf

A former Sergeant

A former Sergeant, having served time with the Marine Corps, took a new job
as a school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his back and was required to
wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.  Fortunately, the
cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest
students in the school. The punks, having already heard the new teacher was
a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really
was before trying any pranks.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the
window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie
flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest!

There was dead silence - and he had no trouble with discipline that year...

celebrate New Year

Click in the Bottle to celebrate New Year with Champagne from France 
 

 


 

elion

 
Subject: This is lovely
 

 
CLICK ON THE WORD “elion” below.... then
Drag your mouse over the picture but only after you have looked at it all.
 
 

All Aboard!


All Aboard!
Floyd Cramer at the piano. Wait for the pictures to come on and have your volume on. This is really beautiful.


Sunday, December 30, 2012


Good News on gun control!!



>>On Sunday, 2 days after the CT shooting, a man went to a restaurant in San
>>Antonio to kill his X-girlfriend.
>>After he shot her, most of the people in the restaurant fled next door to
>>a
>>theater. The gunman followed them and entered the theater so he could
>>shoot
>>more people. He started shooting and people in the theater started running
>>and screaming.
>>It's like the Aurora, CO theater story plus a restaurant!
>>Now aren't you wondering why this isn't a lead story in the national media
>>along with the school shooting?
>>There was an off duty county deputy at the theater. SHE pulled out her gun
>>and shot the man 4 times before he had a chance to kill anyone.
>>I seems that since this story makes the point that the best thing to stop
>>a
>>bad person with a gun is a good person with a gun, the media is treating
>>it
>>like it never happened. Only the local media covered it. Have you seen a
>>story about this??
>>By the way, the city is giving her a medal next week. Just thought you'd
>>like to know.

>
>
>

A Great quote


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"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him - better take a closer look at the American Indian."
Henry Ford