Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mark Schreiber

The golf course has been bought by Mark Schreiber, Tne developer other half and he is building a new office in the storage area workshop building. He will take over about Oct first. You can read all about it in the L A Times by Joe Hunter and Tricia Adams, ha ha. Don't do this and don't do that newspaper and a picture of Joe Hunter on the inside pages. What a downgrading newspaper. All they do is place pictures of themselves in it.

Lake Ashton

Lake Ashton is not a cheap place to live. It all about money and lots of it. Even storage of your personal motor home or boat $125/mo plus tax or even leaving your boat at the boat dock $50/mo plus tax, its money, money and more money. Even when I wish to have a free entertainment show for the residents here at Lake Ashton they want $375.00 for the ballroom. I have to pay for your entertainment. Give me a break! Even the restaurant is nothing you would talk about.

My sister owns in a community called Royal Oaks in Inverness, Fl near Lake Tsala Apopka about 80 miles from here, 15 miles west from the Pacific Ocean. Elvis made a film there at city hall call "Follow the Sun". Also at the historic downtown district there is a restaurant you would die for called Stumpknockers, the food is great. A store you have got to visit is called Ritzy Rags & Glitzy Jewels etc. Unusual things to see. Free storage for all motor homes and boats for residents with lock and key, Ballroom is free, pool table card tables, pool, shuttle board, house shoes, Over night parking. No Community director, HOA pays all the bills. She pays $650.00 total taxes per year. $162.00 monthly maintenance fee includes water, sewer, cable and mowing your lawn. Yes, she has a home about 3400 sq ft 2 bdrm, 2 baths, just like Lake Ashton only and over $100.000 cheaper without the big expenses. The developer gave the entire community to the residents, he is long gone. The roads are in great shape, better condition than Lake Ashton.

The Expenses for Lake Ashton are as follows for the year to the nearest dollar

Taxes/fees/CDD $5800.00
Electric $1,150.00
Water/sewer $800.00
Cable/Security $864.00
Insurance $1000.00
Brighthouse $432.00
Flood Ins $348.00 Yes, Lake Ashton is in a flood zone
Lawn Maintenance $900.00
Telephone 420.00
Repairs to be added
Mortgage to be added _________
TOTALS $11,714.00

Weekend Jokes---GOLF

Back It Up

Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.
After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over
the pin and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin.
A fan in the crowd said "Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?"
Mr. Palmer replied, "Do you own a 3 iron?"
The fan said, "Yes, sir I do."
"How far do you hit it?" said Palmer. About 160 yards was his reply.
Palmer calmly said, "What the hell do you want it to back up for?"

Weekend Jokes---GOLF

Family Men

Three men are in a bar, all very drunk, and talking to each other, bragging about their families.

The first guy says, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The second guy says, "That's nothin'. I have eleven sons. One more and I'll have a football team."

The third guy, the drunkest of them all replies "You guys haven't found true happiness. I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course

Weekend Jokes---Fishing

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked

Weekend Jokes---Fishing

Henry took his fishing very seriously. One day his young son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away."
"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."
"But that's just what I did, mommy."

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Lakeashtontalk meeting

If you are interested in having a meeting about the problems we are having here at Lake Ashton please E-Mail me at lakeashtontalk@yahoo.com We will all sit down and discuss the problems and try to solve them or talk about them. . One of the main problems are the roads here in this community. They are cracking and sinking and the repair bill could be well over One million dollars. Lake Ashton West wants to merge with the East. Should we put up a barb wire fence? Who's paying the upkeep on the HFC? Golf Course will be sold and new owners will be here. And many more problems we don't know about. The total cost of a CDD meeting? The community high price Lawyer will be fired for doing nothing. We will all meet in the BQ picnic screen area near the lake. Thanks

911 pictures release by the goverment

E-Mail me for pictures of the 911 @ lakeashtontalk@yahoo.com

ICE Fishing

Travel on ice with your car, think again. For pictures E-Mail me at lakeashtontalk@yahoo.com

SNOW SNOW and more SNOW

You won't believe this, look out you window and it is block by snow, you have to crawl out of the second floor window if your lucky. For pictures E-Mail me at lakeashtontalk@yahoo.com

pictures of celebrity homes

Will send Interesting pictures of celebrity homes please E-Mail me at lakeashtontalk@yahoo.com

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Perks of Reaching 50

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Housing fallout: Couple denied access to community where they live

Report Courtesy of NBC CHANNEL 2
Reporter Chuck Weber
Published May 5, 2009

A local couple finds themselves caught up in the middle of the housing meltdown, when they were denied access to their development.

For the past 13 months, Karen and Steven Kurtz have lived in a home in Canyon Isles west of Boynton Beach. In December, they got notice their landlord was in foreclosure. Later they learned the landlord had filed for bankruptcy.

"But he stopped paying the homeowners association, which is what affects us now," stated Karen. So the home is not current on HOA dues, and the lease the Kurtz' had with the property owner expired at the end of March.

This past Friday, the couple could not enter Canyon Isles. Steven said, "I showed my i.d. and they said, 'No you're not here. You don't live here.' Never thought anyone would deny you access to your own community."

"Somebody had to smuggle me in, in a van, with tinted windows," exclaimed Karen.

"I feel terrible about their situation," Eric Koeppel, president of the Canyon Isles Homeowners Association, told us in an email. "But legally my hands are tied. We do not have any valid documentation in the form of a new (or renewed) lease... stating that the Kurtz family has permission to live in the home."

Koeppel said the HOA would allow the Kurtz' access to the community this week, to give them an opportunity to get the proper documentation.

"I think the renters are put in a terrible situation," lamented Karen. Mrs. Kurtz says she and her husband would like to buy the house and are willing to pay the HOA fees from this point forward. But since they're not the owners and don't have a lease, the association won't take their money, she says.

The Kurtz' have a lawyer, who's trying to work things out.

HOA ART

Florida is 2nd most miserable state, economic index concludes

Florida is 2nd most miserable state, economic index concludes
Article Courtesy of The Sun-Sentinel
By Marcia Pounds
Published April 8, 2009

Florida is near the bottom of the happiness index. That is, if happiness has to do with income, debt, employment and keeping your home.

The state ranks 50th in the ranking by MainStreet.com., which included the District of Columbia in its survey of misery levels. Only Oregon at No. 51 is worse.

Florida residents' non-mortgage debt is 37.3 percent, according to the index. The state has 9.4 percent unemployment and a foreclosure rate of one per 214 households, according to MainStreet's index.

The happiness index looks at household income, debt, employment and foreclosures. The main source of financial happiness is the Midwest, according to the ranking. Nebraska, home of famed financier Warren Buffet, is in the top spot, followed by Iowa and Kansas.

HOA names deadbeats

Article and Video Courtesy of
FOX 35 NEWS -- ORLANDO
By CHERYL GETUIZA
Published May 5, 2009

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35, Orlando) -- The HOA at Southpointe Condominiums in Orange County is ratting out all the deadbeats. From the list there are a good three or four that are in my unit that are not paying,” said Thomas Brongo.

He’s lived there for ten years and says he doesn’t miss payments. But some of his neighbors have, so he has to cough up more cash. “Why should everybody that's decent be stuck paying for those holding back?”

There are about 450 units at Southpointe and about 85 of them are past due on their accounts.

There's approximately $90,000 of unpaid assessments out,” said Malcolm Galvin, HOA attorney.

Galvin says some assessments are sent to a collection agency. “ Theres a handful that are up over $2500.00”

The board recently voted to pass on adding an extra one time assessment fee of $200.00.
“To some the perception is that this is a witch hunt or this is stemming from ill motives and that’s absolutely not the case,” said Galvin.

Thomas says it’s just not fair. “I don’t think anybody should pay for anybody else. Everybody should pay their share of the dues. If they don’t pay their dues, they should be kicked out.”

And those who still don"t pay up, the HOA will begin placing liens on their homes. “Somebody’s home, nobody likes it but one has to consider all of the other members who are digging into their pockets to pay up,” said Malcolm.

If you don’t have the money to pay these you should talk to the HOA and possibly work out a payment plan.

Florida Pest Control

Florida Pest Control spill gallons of Pesticides directly in front of my house on Ashton Club Drive and down the sewer. What a mess. I know the environmental agency would like to know about this spill hazard. About 6 guys are out there cleaning it up. If I call Joe Hunter, he would say "notta mya jobb"

Swine Flu

The swine flu virus in the U.S. is the same one causing a deadly epidemic in Mexico. What is swine flu? What can we do about it? WebMD answers your questions.

* What is swine flu?
* What are swine flu symptoms?
* If I think I have swine flu, what should I do?
* How does swine flu spread?
* How is swine flu treated?
* Is there a vaccine against the new swine flu virus?
* I had a flu vaccine this season. Am I protected against swine flu?
* How can I prevent swine flu infection?
* Can I still eat pork?
* What else should I be doing?
* How severe is swine flu?
* Why has the swine flu infection been deadlier in Mexico than in the U.S.?
* Have there been previous swine flu outbreaks?
* I was vaccinated against the 1976 swine flu virus. Am I still protected?
* How many people have swine flu?
* How serious is the public health threat of a swine flu epidemic?

What is swine flu?

Like people, pigs can get influenza (flu), but swine flu viruses aren't the same as human flu viruses. Swine flu doesn't often infect people, and the rare human cases that have occurred in the past have mainly affected people who had direct contact with pigs. But the current swine flu outbreak is different. It's caused by a new swine flu virus that has spread from person to person -- and it's happening among people who haven't had any contact with pigs.

What are swine flu symptoms?

Symptoms of swine flu are like regular flu symptoms and include fever, cough, sore throat , body aches, headache , chills, and fatigue. Some people have reported diarrhea and vomiting associated with swine flu. Those symptoms can also be caused by many other conditions, and that means that you and your doctor can't know, just based on your symptoms, if you've got swine flu. It takes a lab test to tell whether it's swine flu or some other condition.

If I think I have swine flu, what should I do? When should I see my doctor?

If you have flu symptoms, stay home, and when you cough or sneeze, cover your mouth and nose with a tissue. Afterward, throw the tissue in the trash and wash your hands. That will help prevent your flu from spreading.

If you've got flu symptoms, and you've recently been to a high-risk area like Mexico, CDC officials recommend that you see your doctor. If you have flu symptoms but you haven't been in a high-risk area, you can still see a doctor -- that's your call.

Keep in mind that your doctor will not be able to determine whether you have swine flu, but he or she would take a sample from you and send it to a state health department lab for testing to see if it's swine flu. If your doctor suspects swine flu, he or she would be able to write you a prescription for Tamiflu or Relenza. Those drugs may not be required; U.S. swine flu patients have made a full recovery without it.

How does swine flu spread? Is it airborne?

The new swine flu virus apparently spreads just like regular flu. You could pick up germs directly from an infected person, or by touching an object they recently touched, and then touching your eyes, mouth, or nose, delivering their germs for your own infection. That's why you should make washing your hands a habit, even when you're not ill. Infected people can start spreading flu germs up to a day before symptoms start, and for up to seven days after getting sick, according to the CDC.

The swine flu virus can become airborne if you cough or sneeze without covering your nose and mouth, sending germs into the air.

The U.S. residents infected with swine flu virus had no direct contact with pigs. The CDC says it's likely that the infections represent widely separated cycles of human-to-human infections.

How is swine flu treated?

The new swine flu virus is sensitive to the antiviral drugs Tamiflu and Relenza. The CDC recommends those drugs to prevent or treat swine flu; the drugs are most effective when taken within 48 hours of the start of flu symptoms. But not everyone needs those drugs; many of the first people in the U.S. with lab-confirmed swine flu recovered without treatment. The Department of Homeland Security has released 25% of its stockpile of Tamiflu and Relenza to states. Health officials have asked people not to hoard Tamiflu or Relenza.

Is there a vaccine against the new swine flu virus?

No. But the CDC and the World Health Organization are already taking the first steps toward making such a vaccine. That's a lengthy process -- it takes months.

I had a flu vaccine this season. Am I protected against swine flu?

No . This season's flu vaccine wasn't made with the new swine flu virus in mind; no one saw this virus coming ahead of time.

If you were vaccinated against flu last fall or winter, that vaccination will go a long way toward protecting you against certain human flu virus strains. But the new swine flu virus is a whole other problem.

How can I prevent swine flu infection?

The CDC recommends taking these steps:

* Wash your hands regularly with soap and water, especially after coughing or sneezing. Or use an alcohol-based hand cleaner.
* Avoid close contact with sick people.
* Avoid touching your mouth, nose, or eyes.

Can I still eat pork?

Yes. You can't get swine flu by eating pork, bacon, or other foods that come from pigs.

What else should I be doing?

Keep informed of what's going on in your community. Your state and local health departments may have important information if swine flu develops in your area. For instance, parents might want to consider what they would do if their child's school temporarily closed because of flu. That happened in New York City, where St. Francis Preparatory School in Queens closed for a couple of days after eight students were found to have swine flu. Don't panic , but a little planning wouldn't hurt.

How severe is swine flu?

The severity of cases in the current swine flu outbreak has varied widely. In Mexico, there have been deaths and other severe cases. Early cases in the U.S. have been mild. But that could change. The virus itself could change, either becoming more or less dangerous. Scientists are watching closely to see which way the new swine flu virus is heading -- but health experts warn that flu viruses are notoriously hard to predict, as far as how and when they'll change.

Why has the swine flu infection been deadlier in Mexico than in the U.S.?

It is unclear why U.S. cases have been milder compared to those in Mexico. Among the first 20 reported cases in the U.S., only one patient required hospitalization and that person has fully recovered. CDC researchers are actively investigating to learn more about the differences between the cases in Mexico and those in the U.S.

Have there been previous swine flu oubtreaks?

Yes. There was a swine flu outbreak at Fort Dix, N.J., in 1976 among military recruits. It lasted about a month and then went away as mysteriously as it appeared. As many as 240 people were infected; one died.

The swine flu that spread at Fort Dix was the H1N1 strain. That's the same flu strain that caused the disastrous flu pandemic of 1918-1919, resulting in tens of millions of deaths.

Concern that a new H1N1 pandemic might return in winter 1976 led to a crash program to create a vaccine and vaccinate all Americans against swine flu. That vaccine program ran into all kinds of problems -- not the least of which was public perception that the vaccine caused excessive rates of dangerous reactions. After more than 40 million people were vaccinated, the effort was abandoned.

As it turned out, there was no swine flu epidemic.

I was vaccinated against the 1976 swine flu virus. Am I still protected?

Probably not . The new swine flu virus is different from the 1976 virus. And it's not clear whether a vaccine given more than 30 years ago would still be effective.

How many people have swine flu?

That's a hard question to answer, because the figure is changing so quickly. If you want to keep track of U.S. cases that have been confirmed by lab tests and reported to the CDC, check the CDC's web site. If you're looking for cases in other countries, visit the World Health Organization's web site. And when you hear about large numbers of people who are ill, remember that lab tests may not yet have been done to confirm that they have swine flu. And there may be a little lag time before confirmed cases make it into the official tally.

How serious is the public health threat of a swine flu epidemic?

The U.S. government has declared swine flu to be a public health emergency.

It remains to be seen how severe swine flu will be in the U.S. and elsewhere, but countries worldwide are monitoring the situation closely and preparing for the possibility of a pandemic.

The World Health Organization has not declared swine flu to be a pandemic. The WHOwants to learn more about the virus first and see how severe it is and how deeply it takes root.

But it takes more than a new virus spreading among humans to make a pandemic. The virus has to be able to spread efficiently from one person to another, and transmission has to be sustained over time. In addition, the virus has to spread geographically.

More Health Headlines
More from WebMD

* CDC: Swine Flu Outbreak "Serious"
* Mexico Swine Flu Epidemic Worries World
* Swine Flu Cases Rising in U.S., World
* Swine Flu Pandemic Alert Level Raised
* Swine Flu: U.S. Declares P

Joe Hunter

Was Joe Hunter ever in the armed services???????
Please reply to lakeashtontalk@yahoo.com

National Day of Prayer

Joe Hunter is going to led the prayers. Do you believe that? I'm I glad I will be out of town.

Another day in Paradise?

Swine Flu

May 4, 2009 11:50 a.m.

Florida has five confirmed cases; two in Lee , one in Broward, one in Orange County , and one in Pinellas.

The second Lee County confirmation is a 7 year old male who attends Spring Creek Elementary School. The Pinellas County confirmed case is 24 year old male.

Alachua, Lee, Indian River, Okeechobee, and Clay have one probable case each. Palm Beach has two probable cases and Miami Dade has three. Hillsborough County has five probable cases.

A public health emergency was declared by the State Surgeon General.

A toll free information line has been established to address an increasing number of calls from the public requesting Swine Flu information. The number is

1-800-342-3557 and it is open from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m

Samples are being received by Florida Department of Health Laboratories for analysis from physicians and hospitals across the state.

The Department of Health continues enhanced surveillance and outreach to physicians, hospitals and other health care professionals. The surveillance system, consisting of sentinel physicians reporting influenza activity, DOH laboratories receiving specimens from physicians and hospitals and our ability to monitor emergency room cases and over- the-counter drug sales is fully operational. We have activated our response plan and are ready to respond to any cases of swine flu if it should occur.

Department of Health continues its enhanced surveillance with a network of Sentinel Physician Providers. These providers send selected samples of laboratory specimens to state laboratories for testing if they have patients with influenza like illness (ILI). These physicians also continue to report weekly ILI cases to the Department of Health.

Anti-virals have been pre-positioned to areas of potential need. We have over one half million individual courses.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported 226 confirmed cases of novel influenza in the United States, with one death in a twenty-three month old.

The World Health Organization (WHO) alert level remains at Phase 5. The declaration of a Phase 5 is a strong signal that the pandemic is imminent and that the time to finalize the organization, communication, and implementation of the planned mitigation measures is short.

Participation in Centers for Disease Control and other national conference calls will continue.

The State Surgeon General provided these recommendations:
People with respiratory illness should stay home from work or school to avoid
spreading infections, including influenza, to others in the community.
Avoid close contact with people who are coughing or otherwise appear ill.

Avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth.

Wash hands frequently to lessen the spread of respiratory illness.

People experiencing cough, fever and fatigue, possibly along with diarrhea and

vomiting, should contact their physician.

If you think you have influenza, please call your health care provider and discuss

whether you need to be seen in their office, emergency department or stay home.

Billy Abernathy, FPEM
Polk County Emergency Management
EOC Coordinator
Office 863-519-7478
Pager 863-501-0170
Fax 863-519-7485
Email williamabernathy@polkfl.com

"You may not be able to control the situation, but you can always control your reaction."

Catch a fish

See http://nationalfishingweekcanada.net

How smart are you?

Take the Quiz test. see http://www.challengeiq.com
Joe Hunter, please don't take this test, we all know what your score will be.

Where have all the rabbits gone?

The bobcats are having a hell of a good time enjoying the rabbits. I use to see 30 or more rabbits now I see none. They are all eaten up by these bobcats and they don't leave a tip. They are typical Lake Ashton bobcats, how cheap can they get? $1.00 for coffee and danish and $375 to rent the hall for charity.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Walgreens

Walgreens is now open as of last friday

Eagle Ridge Mall

30 stores have locked their doors for good at Eagle Ridge Mall. Also 3 food vender's have closed. Many of the ventors have said they are not going to renew their lease. It is also said that Eagle Ridge Mall is going to file for bankrupecy soon.

NEWS FLASH

Last Friday the banks Loan Dept were in at Lake Ashton along with Mark Schreiber and Larry Maxwell. Also many sales people were laid off in the sales dept. Sounds like more laid offs are yet to come.

NEWS FLASH

Mark Schreiber, will be opening an office here at Lake Ashton. Why? The golf course will be sold by the time he settles in his new office and he might replace "DO NOTHING" Joe Hunter. No big loss there. The developer has lost a great deal of money and he has to cut his payroll. I'll let you guess the answer. If you know please E-Mail me at lakeashtontalk.blogspot.com or type in under google search "lakeashtontalk"

NEWS FLASH

The Golf Course has been surveyed by the developer at a cost of $35,000-$40,000. Reason is clear, it is being sold to another person or developer before October 1, 2009. The developer is losing a great deal of money on the golf course approx. $500,000 or more a year. He may keep the Golf pro shop building. It is not clear, As soon as I find out I will let you know. All you Golf players expect to pay a great deal more to play golf next year here at Lake Ashton. Now we know why he is moving all his personal equipment out of the storage facilities so the new owner will have a place to store his equipment. You won't read this in the LA Times.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Free Entertainment Country Show Coming.

Next year I wish to have a free country show for the residents of Lake Ashton. Donations only. All money will be used to pay the entertainer and the rest will go to Give Kids the World. No money will be given to Lake Ashton or the show is off.

Thank-you for all your Sympathy cards

I wish to thank you all for your sympathy cards. I must have received over 30 cards and a few E-Mails sympathy mail. Thanks once again for your deepest sympathy.

EVERY WEEKEND NEW GOLF & FISHING JOKES TO MAKE YOUR DAY HAPPY

Fishing Joke Gauddam Fish

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange-looking fish. A man was walking by and said, "Wow! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain."

The man said, "But that's the species of the fish - a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, okay."

The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught." Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."

The nun said, "That's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." So, the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."

While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister caught." Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn't talk like that!"

Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." Monsignor said, "Well give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll cook it."

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish." In reply, the sister said, "Thank you, I caught the Gauddam Fish." And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the Gauddam Fish." And Monsignor said, "I cooked the Gauddam Fish."

The priest looked around in disbelief, quite shocked, and said, "I like this f***ing place already!"

Fishing Joke you can't tell a brook by its clover.

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping and fishing trip, when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook.

One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"

The other replied, "No, it's not!"

The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover."

Lamaze

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher... "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Top Ten Signs You’re Golfing Too Much

* When you pick up something off the floor, you have to lean on your putter
* The only number on your speed dial is 1-800-TEETIME.
* You have your priorities in order: food, shelter, greens fees, job.
* You dream you go to prison but still get conjugal visits with your driver.
* You tell the lost motorist that the gas station is only a par 4 away on the left.
* You’d like to take off your glove but hey, why bother?
* Whenever you see a hole in the ground, you squat, squint and read the line.
* You’re vaguely aware of living with a woman, allegedly your wife
* You ask the shopper ahead in the checkout line if you can play through.
* Before you pick up the salt shaker, you mark its position with a dime.

©

GAS

Two couples went out golfing together.

The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box.
The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the process.

No one commented.

She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just a little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short distance. She said,
"I wonder why it didn't go any further?"

One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas!"